To all women: if you own a blog, you better read this.

The below post is written by my good friend. I thought it was very interesting and decided to post it over here as well. For safety sake, I shall not mention the writer's name. So Jordan, you're safe.

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It appalls me that the internet is choked with major shit these days. And I'm refering to the sheer amount of blogs (ie crap) written by misguided women. Truth is, I don't give batshit how much you love [insert-name-of-your-douchebag-lover-here] loves you, and vice versa. Neither do I give a stinking damn how miserable your life is.

And so, I have compiled a list of things that I hate about your blog.

And if you're guilty of:
1 of the following - you will shut down your blog permenantly.
2 of the following - you will shut down your blog, terminate your internet and vow never to touch that keyboard again.
3 of the following - you will be tortured and thrown into prison.
4 of the following - death.

So here goes:

1. Music. You think everyone likes what you like? That's what you think, bitch. Even before I enter your site, you force feed me with your shitty songs and expect me to be entertained? Being such a feminist you are, and if you insist on putting music in your site, have some fucking initiative to google some codes that will allow people to turn off your bullshit. Or, you can just go to hell.

2. Fancy layout. First you irritate me with your music, and now your layout? What is the matter with you. I swear I've seen some blogs where I have total-no-fucking-idea what is going on. Fairies on the zooming across the screen, a trail of stardust following the mice, cursors that look like "+" and frames among shitty frames among shittier frames. When I go to a site, I expect to read the fucking content so do me and the rest of the folks a favor and impress me with your content and not with your suicide-inducing layout. Seems that most blog hosters know that you will screw things up and provided default themes and layouts, so being such "unique individuals" (ie feminist) you chose otherwise. I would have given you credit if you designed it yourself, but you probably ripped it off somewhere. I swear the next time I come across any of such website, I would shove all of your bullshit up your feminist ass.

3. £åñ¢¥ †êx†. †hï§ ï§ †hê wðr§†åñÐ ¥ðµ þêðþlê Ððñ'† êvêñ kñðw whêñ †ð §ðþ þ裏ïñg þêðþlê ð££, Ðð ¥ðµ? Self-explantory.

4. "Whose going to buy me these?" You want those? Go get a real job and buy them yourselves bitch. With each hour you spend photoshopping your fugly face, and improving your site with more bullshit, you can pocket $6/hr at your nearest starbucks so face it, unless you're a hore who sleeps for things, don't even think about it. Just kidding, no one would want to sleep with you.

5. Poor grammar. Ok fine, since it's your personal blog and you want to tell people your likings and dislikes (like they care), at least use the right grammar. Did you even have education? Since when did "I like [yada yada]" become "fetishes" or "infatuations" and "archives" become "+memories+"Fuck. You really piss me off so bad, I want to kill myself right now. If this isn't bad enough, what about those 2-3 words self introduction? "likes chocolate + hates + chocolate + piercings and all the rest of the bullshit. Since I'm feeling kinda good today, let me give you a hand. A good start would be, "Hi, my name is ###, and I'm a whore. I like to piss people off with my bullshit blog. My other interests include fisting, having sex with dead animals and BM. I take drugs about once every 2 days. I love get high. When I'm high, I forget the hurt that I'm feeling and after I get raped, a brand new day awaits me!" If you aren't going to do anything to improve your english, practice this phrase: "Would you like to upsize your meal?" because you will be using it quite often for the rest of your life.

6. Tag boards. Here's something you you never knew existed: MSN. If people do want to chat, they would have used MSN instead. Granted, you would like to invite your loser friends to drop you a harmless line but the kind folks at your blog hosting service was kind enough to provide codes to enable readers to post comments on your bullshit posts. Not good enough for you? Up your nothings-ever-good-enough-for-me ass. Up yours again.

7. Whining, whining and more whining. So your boyfriend dumped you? Good riddance. You think your problem is big? Let me just put things into perspective for you. The Earth is roughly 107 × 1.27 min diameter. The sun is roughly 100 times that of Earth and Antares, the biggest star in the constellation of Scorpius is 1000 times the size of our sun. So do you see? There are BIG things and there are small things so think twice before you type "I feel like dying" bullshit and save yourself some grace.

So were you guilty of anything above? Still tabulating the score? Should I buy you a calculator? I hope this guide has been useful, so the next time you decide to do anything to your blog, make this world a better place and spare me the bullshit.

Or, you can go to hell.